Friendship

"A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." (Proverbs 12: 26 NIV)

Thank God for genuine friends! But, in seeking friends one should surely heed the warning of Solomon and beware of those who are only "friends" in name only! There are many who pretend to be friends who are no real friend at all. It is certainly easy to be fooled in this area! Thus, great caution should be taken in our selection of friends and associates.

A righteous person is one who knows God and his word. Thus, he is mentally equipped for discernment in human relationships. If we live ungodly, then we will not be cautious in our friendships and other personal relationships. On the other hand, as Solomon said, if we live wickedly, then we will be often "led astray" in the area of relationships and in making real friends.

"Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared." (Proverbs 22: 24, 25 NIV)

It would betray caution to "make friends with" certain people, such as a "hot tempered" or "angry" person. The danger here is that we will become the people we "associate with" or "hang out with." The danger is that one will "learn the ways" of the people he "spends time with" as friends and companions. So Paul cited the words of Menander to the Corinthians, saying - "Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

One can put a good apple into a barrel of bad apples and the bad will spoil the good, but not vice versa. There is important instruction here for the person who would escape much social harm in life.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Proverbs 18: 24 NIV)

The quantity of our associates is not so important as the quality of them. That is what Solomon is saying. Lots of people, particularly rich and famous people, generally have lots of people "hanging around them" whom many will call "friends." But what kind of "friends" are they? Are they real friends or friends only in name and title?

Most people are fortunate if they can find ONE or a few GOOD friends in life. Such dedicated and true friends are better than brothers or family members. Such too is God and Christ as a "friend" to man, to fallen sinners, if one but enters into divine friendship. Jesus is the archtype "friend who sticks closer than a brother."

"To him that is afflicted pity should be shewed from his friend..." (Job 16: 14 KJV)

"Have pity upon me, have pity upon me, O ye my friends; for the hand of God hath touched me." (Job 19: 21 KJV)

Job found out, in his trials and sufferings, just who was really his friend. The story of Job tells how "Job's three friends" came to comfort him in his sufferings, and yet, they showed by their counsel and treatment of him, that they were not the kind of friends that a person should want. They did not help him, nor give him truthful counsel, and comforting words, and so they revealed themselves as only "friends" in word only.

A true and real friend is one who is there to "weep with those who weep" and to "rejoice with them that rejoice." (Romans 12: 15 KJV) What a help are such friends in time of grief and loss! When one is afflicted, as was Job, it is a great help to have friends near to offer words of encouragement! How greatly it increases our grief, however, to discover how many of our "friends" desert us when we suffer loss and when we need most our real friends.

"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity." (Proverbs 17: 17 NIV)

That is how one can spot a real friend. True friends do not "walk out on their friends" when they are in need! They are there in good times and in bad! They are not friends because of what they can get from you, but because they love you.

"Beware of your friends; do not trust your brothers. For every brother is a deceiver, and every friend a slanderer. Friend deceives friend, and no one speaks the truth. They have taught their tongues to lie; they weary themselves with sinning." (Jeremiah 9: 4, 5 NIV)

"Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words." (Micah 7: 5 NIV)

What a word of advice to have to give to people! Yet, the state of the society in which the prophet lived demanded it. He was but warning the people in the same manner as did Solomon. He is cautioning against entering too quickly into friendships and companionships. What these verses tell us is that we do not want to be a friends with wicked men. Yes, of course, one is friendly and kind to all, but one does not enter into a formal relationship with all, where one spends lots of time with such people, and confides in them. The reason is that such "friends" are simply not to be trusted, for they are insincere and only enter into relationships in order that they might use it to rob the ones they hypocritically befriend.

"All your allies will force you to the border; your friends will deceive and overpower you; those who eat your bread will set a trap for you, but you will not detect it." (Obadiah 1: 7 NIV)

What a judgment upon sinners and hypocrites! Their judgment will be such that God will not give them wisdom to discern between real friends and enemies who only pretend to be friends. A man who is walking with the Lord, and is righteous, and who is cautious about his friends, will be able to discover the hypocrites and pretenders and to avoid them. Those who are set on their wicked ways will constantly be falling into the trap of insincere friends.

"In return for my friendship they accuse me, but I am a man of prayer. They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship." (Psalm 109: 4, 5 NIV)

David was friendly to everyone, but he was not everyone's friend. Friends are chosen and David would never choose to be a friend and companion of evil men. He would do good to them, and thus be friendly in that way, but he would not enter into formal leagues with such. But, how often is a real show of friendship met with unfriendliness! How rare is it reciprocated in kind!

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." (Proverbs 27: 6 NIV)

That is, wounds from a real friend, or a friend indeed, and not the pretenders who only appear or seem to be such. The above words make the Christian think of Judas, who betrayed Christ, and who in prophecy was called the "familiar friend" of Christ, but one who was not really so, for he was inwardly a devil, and an enemy to Christ, and ultimately betrayed him with a kiss. (Psalm 41: 9; Luke 22: 48)

"If someone asks him, 'What are these wounds on your body ?' he will answer, 'The wounds I was given at the house of my friends.'" (Zechariah 13: 6 NIV)

Not only Judas, but the whole nation of Israel was guilty of having been an enemy to Christ, the "friend of sinners," putting him to death, so that he could truthfully say that he was "wounded in the house of his friends," the place where he ought to have been safe.

"If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" (Ecclesiastes 4: 10 NIV)

Yes, it is a pity and tragedy to have NO friends! But, it is a great blessing to have good and genuine friends who will be there to help us when we fail and when we are in need.

"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his earnest counsel. Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away." (Proverbs 27: 9 NIV)

Oh the benefits of good friendship! Oh that we would seek to be better friends ourselves! That God would bless us to know true friendship! That we would know the joys and comforts of good friends!

"The poor are shunned even by their neighbors, but the rich have many friends." (Proverbs 15: 20 NIV)

"Wealth brings many friends, but a poor man's friend deserts him." (Proverbs 19: 4 NIV)

"Many curry favor with a ruler, and everyone is the friend of a man who gives gifts." (Proverbs 19: 6 NIV)

"A poor man is shunned by all his relatives— how much more do his friends avoid him! Though he pursues them with pleading, they are nowhere to be found." (Proverbs 19: 7 NIV)

Wealth and fame attracts "friends" as sugar does flies! But how few act the part of real friends by becoming friends to the poor!

"A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends." (Proverbs 16: 28 NIV)

"He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends." (Proverbs 17: 9 NIV)

Friends do not "betray" friends. They keep secrets and what is told to them in confidence and in trust they do not repeat to others. But, there are those who work at "separating friends," and this is no little sin in the eyes of God.

"You will be betrayed even by parents, brothers, relatives and friends, and they will put some of you to death." (Luke 21: 16 NIV)

Christians should expect to be betrayed in friendships. Even when great caution is used in selecting friends, there are still times when we are disappointed, and when people whom we thought were friends turn out to be no friend at all.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you." (John 15: 13-15)

A real bonafide friend will put his friend's interest above his own. He will even give his life for his friends, as did Jesus, the true friend.

"Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." (James 4: 4)

A man who chooses to be friends with the world, and with worldlings, with carnal men, will be no friend to God. To be God's friend is not to be friends and companions of wicked men.

"I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts." (Psalm 119: 63 NIV)

Rather than being friends with the world, and with men who do not love, fear, or believe in God, the Psalmist wanted only to be a friend and companion to men who loved and feared God. We ought to feel the same way as God's people.

"But you, O Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, you descendants of Abraham my friend." (Isaiah 41: 8 NIV)

"And the scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God." (James 2: 23)

"Oh, for the days when I was in my prime, when God's intimate friendship blessed my house." (Job 29: 4 NIV)

Become God's friend above all else! Oh what a friend is God! Is Christ the Son! "God's intimate friendship"! Why would anyone desire anyone else above him for a friend? To choose anyone else, other than God and Christ, to be one's chief friend, is a foolish decision. To find God as one's friend, however, is to come to know true friendship and to bring one into the company of true friends, of the friends of Jesus.